Well, here is what I've managed to figure out. It probably is tough noogies on Quartus Prime Lite. The workaround is this: (I'm on Win 10 Pro)
Download the Quartus Prime Pro standalone programmer and tools, V21.2. This is a free utility that will install a proper signed driver. After installing the programmer, launch the Driver Installer on the last page of the wizard. After that is installed (But wait, there's more!), close the Pro programmer app. Plug in the USB-Blaster II cable. Go to the Windows device manager (right-click on start button), look for "other hardware". There are two devices, the console interface and the JTAG interface, Both labeled Blaster-II. Right click on each and "update driver". Select "Browse for Driver..." Navigate to C:\intelFPGA_pro\21.2\qprogrammer\quartus\drivers\usb-blaster-ii and let 'er rip. Two devices, two updates. Voila. Nevermind the patches. Return to Quartus Prime Lite and launch the programmer tool. Select "Hardware Setup" and you should find the USB-Blaster II device on the hardware selection pulldown. You're all set.