My first experience with altera (MAX 10). And it didn't go well...

The demeanor of your post doesn't particularly invite helpful answers, I'll try a few hints though.

You seem to stumble upon advanced features like Remote Upgrade before you read about the basic device usage.

A blank MAX10 device need to receive it's initial configuration through JTAG interface, and probably 95 percent of MAX10 applications stay with this programming method. (@ TCWORLD: There's no AS programming for MAX10).

A programming adapter directly supported by Quartus is the common way to use the JTAG interface, particularly in the lab. But basically any JTAG adapter or processor "talking" JTAG can configure the MAX10. Either storing a *.pof file in MAX10 flash or write a volatile *.sof image into MAX10 configuration memory.

There are many ways to write data to or read it from MAX10 internal RAM. In most FPGA designs, you'll implement an interface protocol (e.g. SPI) to transfer the data. The RAM content is often initialized in the FPGA configuration, there are also debugging tools like the "In-system memory content editor" manipulating it through JTAG.